I wish I had been forewarned of my skills as a mother to handle my teenage children.
It is only with experience that I learned that dealing with their triggering emotions is not easy.
One moment they seem fine but the very next they may behave as if the entire roof has fallen down on their heads.
I have also realized that teenagers can be temperamental and can have vigorous mood swings. And who other but us to fall prey to their forceful vendetta?
It was disconcerting for me when my daughter suddenly became aggressive and started defying my authority.
Initially, I would lose my temper and things would get out of control.
But gradually I learned to handle her tantrums differently. I began by assessing the situation calmly and by implementing ways that involved taking care of the emotional outburst and solving the problem.
1. When they are angry and rambling, avoid interrupting. Hear them out.
When they stop to take a breath, unagitated ask them, “Are you angry because you do not want to do this or because you want to do this? They may either stop being annoyed or may keep on with their ranting. It might needle you but do not get perturbed.
Give them a break, time to cool off and subtly let them know that you are with them but only if they talk reasonably.
Tell them, “I am leaving you alone for a while. I will be right back. Re-think. We shall talk again on the topic.”
When they see that you are not shouting at them, and you are validating their feelings, they will retreat back mentally and quieten. They will grab hold of their emotions on their own and prepare themselves to listen to your opinions.
Gradually my daughter and I reached to an unspoken understanding.
I stopped yelling, defying, being adamant about her mobile and social media presence until late hours.
It is with patience that I learned that there are certain tactics that are essential to be acted upon by parents unanimously.
Some parents need to enact those tactics more than the others. It all depends on the tantrums thrown by their teenage wards.
Being a mother of a teenage child is never easy. It is rather irksome. But we love our children and want what is best for them.
We have to handle them with utmost care and inculcate in them how to fight their bouts of anger and defiance.
I made note of a few steps that may help you too-
2. Role Model-
Our children invariably learn from us. We have to stop giving in to our display of anger.
We have to learn to remain calm.
Even if we do use some harsh words in a weak moment, we should apologize. This will put a very firm message across. It will teach them that they are also expected to refrain when or if they lose their temper.
3. Stop pressurizing your wards with high expectations-
Your children are not perfect.
They have an equally hard time coping with the teenage years when they feel no one understands them, not even their own mother.
Learn to accept their flaws and the changes in them.
Become a part of their progress without seeking perfection in them.
Everyone is talented in their own field. May be your daughter is not that much good in studies but is good in dancing or singing.
Motivate her and grow self-confidence in her.
There is a famous saying – ” Don’t judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree.”
Just go with this notion.
4. Have a heart to heart conversation-
When your child is not being difficult and is on good terms with you when things are calm at home, take out time to interact with your child.
Converse with them about impending issues and reassure them of your support.
Reason with them that even though you may not see eye to eye on an issue, you will always stand by them.
It is rightly said that the home is the first school of a kid and the parents are their first friends.
You are the only one who is very much close to your ward.
If you are not going to deal with the problems your child is facing then who will?
So take care of your kid and make life full of fun and enjoyment for her.
5. Permit their anger-
Make them understand that it is okay if something instigates their anger but their tantrums are not permissible.
Use of abusive language, throwing around things, threatening should be disallowed.
They should be made aware that anger is justified but the way it is handled needs to be checked upon.
6. Handle them emotionally-
However angry your kids are, you are the stabilizing factor in their lives.
Help them to control their tantrums and their anger so that they learn that anger is a part of growing up.
7. Handle them firmly-
Your kids should be clear on the fact that you will not accept them calling you names, keeping you on the firing line, talking to you in a derogatory manner, swearing or throwing things at you.
8. Put your foot down-
Let your child know that they will not be allowed to get away with disrespecting others and themselves.
You will stay out of the picture unless they regain control over themselves without insulting anyone.
You shall only listen to what they want if they ask for it respectfully.
9. Be diplomatic-
Kids think they are smart. But they forget that you being parents are smarter.
Handle them diplomatically.
Teach them to become a master and not a slave to their anger.
Play with their minds and make them hate losing control.
This way they will become conscious.
It is only with extreme caution and slick maneuvering that teenage tantrum can be handled.
Verbal Anger is a strict ‘NO’ during any showdown.
It is irksome, it may hurt you at times as a parent but you have to hang in there for a few times, maybe for a few years and you will feel elated with the results, I can bet on it.
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